shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
