Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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