FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
