I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
