It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize