Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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