I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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