I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
