it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
