Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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