I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
