How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
