At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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