so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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