I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
