Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im part way to drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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