you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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