Whod you bang
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
