Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Two words: blizzard sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
