Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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