So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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