He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
