grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found puke in my bra..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
