i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
