I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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