Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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