Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
