When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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