Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
