I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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