Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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