It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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