they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
