Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
