just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
