Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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