Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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