He is an equal opportunity slut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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