I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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