Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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