You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
