I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
honey bunches of taint.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
