I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
