I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
