having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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