standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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