Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
