I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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