is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
