There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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