One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
