I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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