HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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