so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
