we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Operation Purity has been aborted
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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