i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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