i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
