Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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