ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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