Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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