I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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