dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
