just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
