we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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