You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize