My liver just broke up with me...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
