Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize