Do you still have your period?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
