I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
