just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
