I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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