Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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