I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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