There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Buhtt sex?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
